A Pancakes-and-OJ Kind of Morning

I woke up to the smell of pancakes wafting in my bedroom. Luke’s side of the bed was empty and I had to smile despite the filthy hangover that was starting to come on. I had to get glucose into my system fast.

I fell asleep securely tucked in Luke’s arms last night/this morning. He had remained quiet, but he cuddled with me and I was fine. (But that was just because I was tired.) I still had no idea why he was acting weird though because I never had the guts to ask.

“Morning,” Luke greeted me when I walked out of my bedroom. He flipped a pancake to an empty plate before he walked towards me and kissed me at the top of my head.

“Morning,” I greeted him back. “Which syrup do you want?” I asked as I walked towards the fridge, trying to be casual. “I have maple, chocolate, and a bit of strawberry left from last time.”

“Whatever you’re having,” he answered.

“Maple, it is” I announced, bringing the bottle to my tiny breakfast table.

“You always pick maple,” he observed.

“I always do, don’t I?” I responded, trying to keep the conversation alive. It was tough.

Unlike all the other mornings, when talk flowed so easily between the two of us, today I ate quietly, not really knowing what to say after the little awkward conversation we just had. The air between us was simply weird.

I was trying to figure out why Luke had been quiet and acting the way he was while I chewed on a piece of pancake. I stared out the kitchen window, hoping to clear my mind and identify what was wrong in this picture but I was drawing blanks and I didn’t really want to entertain the idea of just asking Luke about it. I knew I was being stupid, but I couldn’t really work up the courage to call him out. Maybe I just had to give him some space or something.

“You’re quiet,” Luke nudged me gently after a while.

“You’re quiet,” I answered back, figuring the conversation’s about to happen anyway. “You sort of shut down on me last night.” I didn’t mean for my tone to be accusing, but it did come out that way. So much for deciding to just let him be.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly as he touched the corner of my lips, apparently wiping off a crumb. “I was just… thinking last night.”

“About what?” I put down my utensils and stared at his brown eyes intently. They looked so beautiful against what little sunlight crept inside my apartment, and it was distracting.

“About how much I like you,” he said so matter-of-factly.

“I don’t understand. I like you, too.”

“I like you too much, I… I don’t know what to do with you.” He answered, looking at me as though I was a puzzle he can’t solve.

“You what?” I asked stupidly. I didn’t really fully understand what he meant. Or whether I should be offended or something.

“Samantha, I don’t want to see other people.” He breathed deeply before continuing on. “I don’t want you to see other people. I don’t know what to do with you seeing other people,” he said, not taking his eyes off me.

“I’m not seeing other people right now,” I muttered almost incomprehensibly. I couldn’t even understand where all of this was coming from.

“Do you want to?” he asked.

His eyes looked unsure, and I had to smile. Now I get it. And I realized just how stupid I was for not recognizing it earlier. I blamed it on the alcohol. “No. I don’t want to see other people.”

He smiled widely at that. And then he kissed me. It was a soft, soothing, maple-y kiss. His eyes were still crinkled with a smile when he pulled back.

He stood from his seat and walked towards the fridge, taking out a box of orange juice. I was secretly celebrating how my kitchen was freshly stocked with decent food and how perfect everything was with Luke in it. I watched him fill two glasses before walking a couple steps right back.

He sat in front of me again and sipped on his drink, looking at me intently. I felt like I was chewing on the pancake quite loudly now that no one else was eating with me, and I felt quite conscious.

“So. I can call you my girlfriend now, right?” he said once the sound of my chewing had momentarily stopped.

“I guess.”

“And you can call me your boyfriend now, too. Congratulations,” he said, faking arrogance that worked well with his messy morning hair.

I only smiled at him, tilting my head a little at the ridiculous way his cockiness sounded. A second later, he had already pecked on my lips so quickly.

“Let’s not shut down on each other again, hmm?” he said after a while, pausing just before he drank from his glass.

“Let’s not.” I agreed, fully understanding he was referring to himself. “And let’s not get jealous over Jack. Who was flirting with the bartender last night, by the way.”

He pursed his lips guiltily. “I wasn’t.” He was actually trying to hide a smile while he busied himself looking down on the floor.

“Yeah. You weren’t,” I teased. He was just so adorable.

Turns out he thought something was up because he found me and Jack alone at the bar while our friends were out on the floor. And that my awkward introduction between them was received as shady.

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t know how I was supposed to introduce you!” I said, blushing at how ineffective my introduction skills were. In my defense, they have never been the best.

“Now you do.” He smiled.

We finished our breakfast and cleaned up together. And then we spent the rest of the morning lounging lazily in the couch, flipping on random TV channels. The couch was still small for the two of us, but we didn’t mind. I was only so relieved I didn’t have any case papers I needed to write.

We later decided we’d go out for lunch after we went to his apartment for him to change. I’ve never been to his place, which I thought made this thing between us seem faster than it already was. He’s already my boyfriend and I’ve never been to his apartment! I was hyperventilating inside, panicking myself over nothing, knowing it was stupid all the same.

“You’re not changing your mind about us, are you?” he nudged me after he parked his bike. It was as if he had read my mind. I didn’t realize he was already beside me, waiting for me to walk up to his apartment with him. He took my hand and pulled me near just enough for me to catch a whiff of his scent. “’Cause I’m not letting you,” he whispered in my ear before kissing the top of my head.

I was speechless when we entered his apartment. It was spacious and well-furnished, as if an actual interior designer came in and fixed the place. My own apartment looked extra shabby in comparison to this, and I wondered why he never asked me to spend the night instead of the other way around. It would have been much more comfortable. For the both of us.

“I won’t be long. Feel at home,” he said before disappearing into his bedroom.

I went to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water, and saw stuck on the refrigerator door a photo of him and an older guy who looked so much like him, but with glasses. That was probably his older brother Seth. Luke always talked about things he’d done with his brother. But I had never asked Luke what Seth did for a living. By this picture, he looked so much like a corporate man. Someone people like me despised and admired for being rich at such a tender age.

“I see you’ve seen my brother,” I heard Luke’s voice from across the kitchen counter.

“He looks so much like you.”

“I want you to meet him soon,” he said, throwing the idea out there just so very casually. Oh, this man is killing me with his speed. “I’m sure you two’d get along great. He’s a doctor too, by the way.”

“Oh. You never said,” I uttered with a small voice. I looked at the picture again. The idea of Luke’s older brother being a doctor fit the profile indeed. And then I realized that was probably why Luke was always so concerned about me studying. He already knew how hard and time-consuming it was.

“I had to make you my girlfriend first. Or you’d probably just ditch me and go after him instead,” he said as he walked over to where I was standing. “Girls do find Seth hotter, I think.”

“That’s a stupid notion.” I put my arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard. “I think you’re hotter.”

“You say that now. But I’ll take it.” He smiled his cute smile and kissed me again, pressing my back flat against the cold fridge. We never got to eat out for lunch. Or dinner.